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 How to recognize a bad suitor

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تاريخ التسجيل : 31/03/2008

مُساهمةموضوع: How to recognize a bad suitor   الجمعة أغسطس 29, 2008 1:06 pm

How to recognize a bad suitor?
Arjuwan Lakkdawala I Arab News
JEDDAH: A woman, who asked her name not be published, mentioned that her marriage recently ended after two years of abuse when her husband threw her out of their home at three in the morning. The woman later obtained divorce.
“We had gone out earlier that night and when we were returning home, some men in another car drove close to my husband’s car,” she said, adding that this made her husband accuse her of flirting with other men.
“If these men tried to tease my husband what was my fault? The truth is my ex-husband always used to look for excuses to quarrel with me,” she said.
“He fought with me till late that night and verbally abused me, calling me many horrible things. Then he pushed me out of the door and said he was going to divorce me and didn’t want me to stay in his house any longer. I begged him to let me in and stay at home till the morning, but he didn’t open the door,” she said.
She then went to the home of a woman friend who lived nearby. “I wandered the streets for some time thinking where to go. I was so afraid someone would kidnap or attack me,” she said, adding that in the morning she contacted her family and subsequently filed for divorce.
Her husband, however, had changed his mind by then. “He called a few days later and said he didn’t want to divorce me. However, I’d be mad to go back to him,” she said. “I’m divorced now and it’s such a relief to live in peace again,” she added.
According to Dr. Ibraheem Siag, women are often banished from their marital home. He added that women who are thrown out in the middle of the night would often come to the emergency unit of the hospital where he used to work and ask to be allowed to stay till the morning.
Dr. Fay’qa Badr, a psychiatrist, said that marital problems arise due to several reasons. “For example, there is a huge problem when families marry off their drug-addict or mentally-ill sons instead of getting professional help for them. They do this thinking that marriage will help cure them,” she said.
“Marriage is not treatment for drug addiction or mental illness. Families should think about their responsibilities in society. They would never marry off their own daughters to mentally unstable men, but they marry their troubled sons to others’ daughters,” she added.
“Marriage is a very serious matter and there are many things to consider before getting married. But unfortunately, many brides-to-be don’t seem to realize the significance of this step. They simply worry about what they will wear on their wedding nights and what shopping to do. This is not a realistic approach to life,” she said.
“Women preparing for marriage must set goals for themselves, about what they want from the marriage and how can she ensure a successful future for herself. She must study her fiancé, and see if he’ll be a good husband and a good father,” she added.
Dr. Badr said there is also a problem of people overlooking the instability that some suitors show during the engagement period.
“Families fear that if the engagement is not followed by a wedding then this would damage their reputation. However, their daughters’ welfare should be their top priority,” she added.
According to her, prospective brides should not even overlook the most trivial of things in a suitor, as they could reveal whether the suitor is trying to hide his true nature.
“The behavior of the husband-to-be will gradually change. This may happen, for example, if they go to a coffee shop together.
“After a little while he may ask her to change her seat if there are men sitting opposite her in the café, or he may get upset and scold her, even though she hasn’t done anything wrong,” explained Dr. Badr.

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How to recognize a bad suitor
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